Graceful Imperfection

I miss a lot of people, my big sis, my best friend, myself several years ago, etc. The point is that no matter how hard we may try, there is a possibility that the person you know today is not what you knew yesterday.

Or weeks I should be saying. Death, missing persons reports, lack of funds, POS car – the list goes on. I am trying my best to refuse how easy it would be to just go fetal position and instead am attempting to learn and grow from all of these things consuming me. And I am happy to report that I feel as though I am winning at this game of life.

I think of past times with a sullen mood but with a smile; I made many a mistake, but I have always felt it to lead toward the greater good. Somehow I ended up in LaLa Land after spending years in Atlanta. And then a year back in VA. I have only been back once and I really never want to do it again. The universe has a purpose, and I can only hope that my belief in that concept holds true. I know that we all have purpose, I just cannot find mine yet.

Every now and then I get one of those myspace or facebook or whateverplace invites and i reminisce a bit. And then I realize that if that was really what I wanted then I would at least strive for it or give more than half a shit about these people. I wish them the best – I truly do – but I live in a place called the present.

The newest addition to our family…

I did have a fabulous time today. My friend asked me over to her BBQ and of course I felt the need to bring several home made dishes – corn in the husk for grilling, macaroni salad, potato salad, and regular green tossed salad with my own dressing. And obviously I brought along some beer. The man got into some deep conversation with a Vietnam Vet while I grilled the corn and talked with the ladies. We put out the spread and all was good with the world while we indulged in a lot of great BBQ style food, as well as the libations and don’t forget the meaningful conversation. Did I mention there was baked beans? And a cheese plate? I am vegetarian, but there was ribs and such, but more than that there was a togetherness felt. I can be cheesy sometimes, so what.

Overall, I must say that we could maybe even make peace with other countries if they would just come to our BBQ – they are that awesome here in the US of A.

When I was about 17 I had this picture of what my life would be by about the age of 23. I would have my prestigious degree, an aweswome condo in a badass city, and an even more badass boyfriend.

Fast forward, I dropped out of college, became a bartender, and ultimately had to move back home to Virginia.

My “dream” never came to fruition.

Sometimes the unknown is the best one can expect or hope for; my “unknown” turned out pretty damn great – especially the badass boyfriend part.

Thanks everyone who helped me along this path – you know who you are…